


Alcohol and Boys

by darkshadows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drinking, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sadstuck, hopefully, its gonna be sad turns happy soon, tw, tw blood, tw pills, tw self harm, tw suicide, tw suicide attempt, uuuum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:45:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkshadows/pseuds/darkshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave's depressed and becomes an alcoholic. John comes down to try to help Bro help Dave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alcohol Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amatory-milksop.tumblr.com](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=amatory-milksop.tumblr.com).



> So, this is a part Merry early Christmas and woo! look, you've stuck with me for a month gift for lyle. Sorry, no porn yet though. I might add some later c:

The smell of alcohol was in his words as he sputtered mumbles of apologies and welcomes.

John pulled away to look at the bright red eyes staring into his own blue orbs. How long has this been going on? Why did Dave do this to himself?

"Dave..." he started, unsure of what exactly to say to his best friend.

"John," Dave tried to say, however hiccuped halfway through it, "this isn't that bad, I pro-promise, man. I can stop anytime."

John wanted to believe him, he did. But events told him not to, that Dave, in this moment, was lying.


	2. A Boy's Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there's any ooc shit going on.  
> and i haven't figured out how to make the text change color. if anyone knows, could you comment how or message me on my tumblr --> dirk-sugoi-strider.tumblr.com  
> thank you!!

Let's go back about a week ago.

John was sitting in his room as usual, waiting for Dave to get online. A green light blinked on, indicating that the Dave's older brother, who John only knew as Bro, was on. John had Bro's pesterchum just in case of some emergency. What kind of emergency would he need to get ahold of Bro, he didn't know. But he figured he could at least have it just in case. He never knew when he might need it.

A ding rang through John's headphones over his music, letting him know he had a new message.

He furrowed his brows together, confused. None of his friends were online. Just Bro.

Just Bro.

John didn't like this. He knew Bro was most likely the one to have messaged him. Bro never messaged him. Which probably meant something was wrong with Dave. But what? John felt his palms become sweaty as his mind wandered, thinking about all the possible things that could be wrong with Dave. 

He was right. It was the older Strider. His bright orange text was now glowing on John's screen. One word only.

TT: Pack.

Confused, John began typing a reply when a series of dings rang over his music.

TT: Don't ask questions.

TT: This is important.

TT: I talked to your dad.

TT: You're coming down here for a month.

So many questions ran through his head. Was everything okay? Why did he have to come down for a month? Was Dave in trouble? Dave! Was he okay? Of course not, why else would Bro be telling him to pack because he'd spending a month down in Texas. At least this meant that Dave wasn't dead. Wait, could he be dying? Too many horrid thoughts continued to race through John's head.

He looked up, ready to voice his concerns to the elder Strider, online to see he was offline. Well, he wasn't going to be much help. But he did say that he had talked to his dad, so maybe he could help. Well, he's have to get a suitcase from him, anyhow.

With a sigh, he stood up and walked down the hallway, terrifying thoughts continuing to cloud his mind. He very nearly ran into his father's door, not really paying attention to anything around him. He looked up at the door, hesitating on knocking.

The older man's feet could be heard shuffling against the carpet as he walked to the door, opening it a little and looking down at John. He looked stressed out and worried, the blue eyes that had been passed down to John obviously heavy from a lack of sleep. This only added to John's worry. This must be serious.

"I need a suitcase," John mumbled.

Dad nodded and walked away, leaving the door open enough for John to see into the room. Peering in, he noticed it wasn't as neat as he remembered it being. The bed was unmade, papers were spread out across the sheets, and there were some papers on the floor as well. Although it wasn't really "dirty", it was messier than John ever remembered it being.

Dad came back into view with a suitcase in hand. Running a hand down his face, he looked at John apologetically. 

"I'm sorry, son. Get packs. I'll take you to the airport when you're done."

He shut the door, leaving John even more confused then he had been before. What was going on? First, Dave isn't on for days, if not weeks. Second, Bro messaged John, telling him to pack, then disappearing before John could respond. And last, his dad was apologizing and telling him that he would be leaving. He knew where, Bro had revealed that much, but... Why?

As he began packing, a sudden realization hit him. He had to sit down to catch his breath, frantically looking around his room for his inhaler.

No. No no no no no. It couldn't - No!

John couldn't think straight. It was getting hard for him to breath. He finally found his inhaler on his nightstand, took a hold of it, and held it up to his mouth.


	3. The Face of Addiction and Daydreams

"He's in his room. He doesn't know you're here."

Bro, as he told John to call him after saying Mr. Strider, led John to the hallway. There were a few doors, some of the paint chipped off. John had no doubt that it was from the strifes that Dave would talk about. Some of the chips were bigger, as if that was the only thing the sword hit on a swing, while others were a tad bit smaller, like just the tip of blade hit the door.

Dave's bedroom door was easy to distinguish. Painted on the door was a red disc, much like the drawing he was so proud of making when he was 13.

John was nervous, his palms sweaty. this wasn't at all how he imagined their first meeting to be. Dave didn't even know he was here.

He stopped at his best friend's door, leaning against it a little to see if he could hear anything. There wasn't much noise, just the sound of sheets as if someone were getting comfortable on a bed. He could imagine Dave, listening to his MP3 player, moving a little on his bed to get into a new position to stay comfortable. John noticed his heart beginning to pound. He was about to meet Dave, his best friend. He slowly raised his hand and knocked on the door. He heard the shuffling of feet on carpet walking toward the door, which only made his heart pound even harder.

"What d-do you want, Bro?" Dave groaned, opening the door, only to be greeted by John.

The smiled that had spread across John's face just moments before slowly disappeared when he saw the almost empty whiskey bottle in Dave's hand.

Was this the problem? Did Dave start drinking? He hoped that this had just started recently, but had his doubts. It all made sense now. Why else wouldn't Dave be on pesterchum or ignoring his tests and calls.


	4. Daydreaming

"How long had he been... drinking?"

John sat across from Bro at the dining room table. Dave had passed out in his room hours ago, finishing off the last of his whiskey along with another bottle. John couldn't believe it. He had been trying to muster up the courage to ask Dave how long it's been, how long he's been hiding this, why he let it get this far, but when he finally did, Dave was out cold. So he asked the second best person.

"I'm not quite sure how long," was the only response Bro offered. He didn't seem like he was going to be much help, so John decided to not ask the other couple of questions he had. There was really no point if he was just going to continue to be given vague answers.

But what did that mean? Did Bro just pay that little attention to Dave? Or was Dave just that good at hiding it? No, that didn't seem plausible. John could tell the moment he saw Dave that he was drunk. He was wobbly on his feet, hair a mess and clothes stained. This wasn't the Dave he remembered seeing in pictures or on video call.

More questions continued to race through his head. This wasn't right. Dave would never do something like this, right? This was all a dream, yeah. That's why everyone was acting off. He'll wake up tomorrow and find himself at home. Dave will be online and sending him files of his shitty yet brilliant raps. Everything will be fine and back to the way it used to be. This was just all one long terrible dream. It had to be.

John watched as Bro stood up and walked over to the fridge. "I don't have an extra room, but I'll set up the futon so you can sleep on that."

John just nodded. He didn't care where he slept because he knew he'd wake up in his own bedroom. Everything would be okay.

Bro sat back down with an orange pop in hand. He pushed a box of apple juice across the table to John, who took thanked him and put the straw through the hole, then took a sip. He closed his eyes and savored the taste. It tasted a bit different, since it was a different brand and all, but other than that, it was still the delicious drink that both he and Dave loved. 

"We're going to get him to quit. Cold turkey."

John coughed, choking a bit on his juice. Cold turkey? Wasn't that the worse and hardest way to quit an addiction? There had to be another way. Surely there was. Maybe all this wasn't a dream after all.

"Isn't there another way?" John asked him once he could speak again.

Bro shook his head. "I had the same problem once. I tried everything. Cold turkey was the only thing that worked.”

John couldn't believe what he was hearing. Maybe people were right when they said that when a parent had an addiction, the child was likely to have addiction. But wait... Bro wasn't Dave's parent. Well there went that thought. Was Dave around when Bro had been dealing with his addiction and now something was wrong with Dave and he couldn't figure out how to deal with his problem so he did was Bro had done and turned to alcohol? He felt sick to his stomach, knowing that was a pretty good explanation for why all this was happening. It made sense, anyway. But perhaps there was another? Maybe, but what? 

He pushed his juice away and set his head on the table. What could he possibly do? How could he possibly be of any help in this situation? He didn't know anything about this kind of things. Rose would be a whole hell of a lot more help than he could ever be. Did Dave maybe request that he come instead of Rose because he doesn't want help? 

“You okay in there, Egbert?” 

John was a bit startled to hear Bro talk to him. It seemed like they were attempting to avoid talking to one another as much as possible. He looked up at the older Strider, sighing a bit. “No.” 

In all honesty, he wasn't alright. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. He and Dave weren't supposed to meet like this. But unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it now. 


	5. Words of a Hangover

John found himself standing outside Dave’s door, staring at the painting on the door. He’s been at the Strider place for two days now and had barely seen Dave at all. And when he did see him, the blond was usually drunk, barely able to walk, or he was really hungover and holding his head because of a headache. John felt lost at just what he should do. This was never something he thought that he would be confronted with. 

He sighed and knocked on the door, hoping that maybe Dave would be okay. He hoped that Dave would walk over and open the door with his signature smirk, give John a hug, then kiss – 

Wait, what? 

John closed his eyes and shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. He shouldn’t be thinking about the fact that the person that he’s in love with is an alcoholic. He opened his eyes up and saw that Dave was standing there, one hand on his head. So it was a hangover day. John wasn’t sure if he preferred these days to the drunken days. He supposed that while both had their benefits, both had their drawbacks as well. 

“What is it?” Dave asked quietly, obviously not up for much conversation. 

But John knew that he had to get this out, and get it out now, especially since it was obvious that Dave wasn’t drunk. No, Dave couldn’t get drunk again. He had to make sure of it. He had to protect his best friend from that liquid poison, get him back on the right track. John was sure that he could help Dave, he just had to give Dave some time. 

“Can we talk?” John asked, stepping forward to hopefully be allowed into Dave’s room. 

John took another step, almost in Dave’s room now, when Dave hadn’t stepped in his way to stop him. He has yet to be in Dave’s room since his arrival, mostly because that’s where Dave liked to crash and he couldn’t bear to see his best friend like that. 

Dave stepped out of the way to let John in, who stepped inside the room and had a look around. It wasn’t exactly what he was expecting, but it fit Dave at the same time. The walls were white and red and posters hung all around the room. There were some pictures that Dave had drawn and photos he had taken. On one wall, a bookshelf had been mounted up and there wad Dave’s collection of dead things, even a fetus of a baby. That grossed John out a bit, but whatever made Dave happy, he was cool with. The bed was a mess, sheets lying all around it, pillows seeming to cover the bed and littered the floor next to it. Empty bottles of liquor and apply juice littered the floor as well. And that’s what made John stop in his tracks. Everywhere he turned, he found himself facing the realization that all this wasn’t a dream. Dave really had a problem and he still wasn’t sure how to help him. He’d have to figure it out somehow, though. 

“Sorry, haven’t cleaned in a bit,” Dave muttered, walking in behind John and picking up a few of the bottles that were near him on the floor. John heard him put them in a garbage bag, no doubt in his mind that there were even more empty bottle in there as well. 

John turned around to take a good look at his best friend. They’d known each other for years, yet for Dave to not tell him that something was going on kind of hurt his feelings. He thought they were best bros. He knew that he always told Dave everything and was there whenever Dave needed him. That was, until, this started. 

“Why?” It was the only word that he could form. He continued to watch as Dave picked more empty bottles and continued to fill the bags. Dave didn’t answer at first, acting like he hadn’t heard the question that he had just been asked. 

John went over and sat on the bed. He would wait a moment for Dave to answer. Perhaps he was just trying to find the right words. Maybe not. Maybe Bro had already asked this question a thousand times and he didn’t want to answer it anymore. But John had to know. 

“Why, Dave?” 

Dave walked over and sat down on his bed next to John. He didn’t look up at the brunette boy, just stared down at his hands. “Because I needed it.” 

John couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A bit of rage built up inside of him. That was possibly one of the stupidest things that could have been said. 

“Now, before you go all Bro on me and tell me how fucked up that it, let me explain to you a thing.” 

John watched as Dave stood up and began pacing around the room. The rage that had built up began to simmer down a bit. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for this. Please let there be, he begged. He knew that Dave would sometimes do things without any good reason, because he was a Strider was his excuse, but don’t let that be the case this time. 

“John, I... I feel lost, okay? Like everything is out of reach. I just wanted a sip, but one sip became two and two four and now…” Dave leaned against a wall and slid down to the ground, head in his hands. He looked like he was ready to break down. “John, I don’t know what to do, man.” 

John quickly got up and got down on the ground next to Dave, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. What should he say? There had to be something that he could say to make this all go away. Anything. 

“You’re going to get clean, that’s what you’ll do,” John said, looking next to him at Dave. “You’re going to get better, I promise.” 

He felt Dave shake and realized that he had begun to cry. So this was it, then. His best friend was going to break down crying and he had no idea what to do about it. Holding him was a start, he supposed. 

“I can’t, John…” Dave whispered, looking up to reveal his reddened face with tears streaming down it. “I can’t, it’s so hard, I’ve tried.” 

“You don’t have to try alone this time,” John whispered back, leaning in a bit closer. He wiped some of the tears off of Dave’s cheeks and gave him a small smile. “I promise you that you won’t have to do it alone this time.” 

Dave started sobbing harder, clinging to John. John just held him, telling him that everything would be alright, that he would get help, that it was a promise. 

“You won’t leave, right, John?” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 


	6. Rocky Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does have some triggering stuff, like blood and cutting, so in case you can't handle that, I would suggest you stop for now.

Three days. 

Three days have gone by and Dave hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. Things were starting to get rough, however, John had a feeling that they would be getting much worse pretty soon. There wasn’t anything he could do about it, that he knew. He just had to play it out as it came along. But what if – No. He wouldn’t allow himself to think about the bad things that may or may not happen. Instead, he would let himself think about the good things that would happen. Because they will happen. He would make sure of it. 

In the last couple of days, John had figured that he and Dave had gotten into about five fights, maybe six, if the one about which brand of apple juice counts, which to John it doesn’t. All the other fights were about Dave and his need for a drink. No matter how small he claimed it would be, John knew that it would just cause Dave to spiral out of control again. He couldn’t let that happen. He needed Dave here, and he needed Dave healthy. After some talks with Bro after Dave had gone to bed, he found out that Bro figured that Dave had been drinking for roughly a year. Thinking back, that made a bit of sense to John. 

Thinking a year back, John released that that was around the time that Jade had passed away. Well, that’s what he, Dave, and Rose were assuming anyway. It was about a year ago that they had last heard from their island friend. There was the chance that Jade had lost all her computers or something else around those lines, but they didn’t find that quite possible, so they assumed that she had gone on adventure like her grandfather used to and she had somehow passed away doing what she loved. John also remembered that Dave had been a wreck when he hadn’t heard from Jade in a while. Dave had had a crush on her. Well, crush isn’t exactly what John would call it. He would say that Dave was in love with the girl, so to hear that she was no longer with them probably broke the blond, causing him to feel lost and then in turn, turn to alcohol. 

After explaining this to Bro one night, on the same day that he and Dave had gotten into a huge fight about what the point of John being there if he really wasn’t helping all that much, just made Dave watch movies or play video games. (This had hurt John a lot, for he was making Dave do those activities with him to help keep him distracted, and it proved to work quite well.) Bro had laughed after John’s explanation, and shook his head once John asked why he was laughing. 

“You’ll see, man. You’ll see just how blind you really are,” was the only response that he had gotten in return. 

Starting day three of zero alcohol, John had a feeling this day would be long, and it would be hard. Just like something else at the moment, but he would have to tend to that later. That matter at hand was Dave. 

John opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling of the living room, listening to the shuffling of feet on the floor above him. Another thing he had learned while here was that when Bro and Dave used to strife, they would take the fire escape up the roof of the apartment, which was only two floors above them. As John stared at the ceiling, a thudding sound began to ring throughout the apartment. He couldn’t quite place where it was coming from, but he had a feeling that he should go and check on Dave. He slowly sat up, groaning a bit, and made his way down the hall to Dave’s door, the thudding continuously getting louder and louder as he walked closer and closer to the door. This worried him, which only made him begin to run to the room. He had to make sure that Dave was okay. Please let Dave be okay. Please, please, please. 

He slammed the door opened and found Dave sitting on the floor, one arm bloody, his head against his dresser. John’s eyes widen and he quickly fell on his knees next to Dave, carefully taking Dave’s arm in his hands. The thudding, he soon found out, was from Dave hitting his head against the dresser. He was crying, his face red and soaked with tears. John inspected his arm, making sure that it wasn’t bleeding still, but found a towel and wrapped it around Dave’s arm anyway, just to be safe. Better safe than sorry. 

“Dave… Dave, why?” John asked, looking up at his friend. 

Dave just laughed a little, letting his head stay against the dresser. “I told you I couldn’t do this, that I need the alcohol, John.” 

John looked back down at Dave’s arm, wiping some of the blood away, careful of the fresh cuts. He had to do something about this, but he didn’t want to leave Dave alone and he knew that the only way to wake Bro up was the pull his blanket off of him, turn on the light, and scream until he was awake. He would have to fix this himself, but how? He couldn’t stitch up people. He was horrible with a needle and thread when stitching up a ripped seam, let alone stitching up an actual person. But he had to do something. 

John stood up slowly, holding onto Dave, hoping that he would get up with him. And he did, thankfully. John kept a hold on him, letting Dave lean on him as they fully stood up then made their way down the hall toward the bathroom. Dave was mumbling things, things that John couldn’t understand. He did catch a couple things, a “Why, Jade…” At least, that’s what he think he heard. It could have been something else. Maybe it was his name on Dave’s lips. Perhaps… 

No. He shouldn’t let his hopes get up any. Especially not now. Dave could be in real trouble if John didn’t help him out any time soon, so he’d better get right on that. 

They finally made it to the bathroom, John having to practically drag Dave inside and toward the toilet for him to sit down. Once Dave was seated and John had made sure that Dave wasn’t going anywhere, he began to search in the cupboards for a first aid kit, or just something so that he could bandage Dave up a bit. He searched through the hair products, unsure of why they had so many. It didn’t seem like Bro used any; he even wore a hat over his hair, so what would he need all this hair product for? And Dave’s hair was always so soft, needing maybe just some hair spray so that it wouldn’t get messed up or anything. After a few minutes of searching and knocking down a whole lot of cans and containers, John finally found a first aid in the closet under some towels. Well, that’s not an entirely good place to keep it, but whatever worked for them, he guessed. He grabbed a washcloth and towel as well to clean off the blood and to dry off his arm. He stood in front of the closet for a moment, looking in, unsure of what else to grab, then decided that he had everything that he would probably need. 

John quickly went back over to Dave, his heart beating in his ears. He wished that he could do more for Dave, help him out a bit more. But how? He was completely unsure, but he had to figure something out. There had to be a way… He shook his head a little, trying to focus back at the task on hand. Cleaning Dave’s arm. If he couldn’t stitch it up, he could at least be sure that it wouldn’t get infected. Just have to clean it out really good, put some antibiotic on the cuts, and cover it up. But from the looks of it, it seemed that he would be covering Dave’s entire arm. Well, if that’s what he had to do. 

Dave gave him this pathetic look that made his heart break. A sad puppy was what Dave reminded John of. He turned to the sink for a moment and got the washcloth damp. Then he turned back around and got down on his knees, taking Dave’s arm back in his hand and slowly wiping off the blood. He didn’t look up at Dave’s face, afraid to see the face of his broken friend in pain. He kept his eyes on the arm, feeling a bit better as more and more of the blood disappeared. He was definitely right when he felt like something would go wrong. Dave had been doing so well. John knew things like this were a part of recovery, so was relapse, so he tried not to worry so much, but he just couldn’t help it. After all the blood was gone, he took a breath, finally seeing the damage. The cuts were pretty deep, deeper than John would have liked to seen. 

He finally glanced up at Dave, his lips in a thin line. “We have to clean them out, Dave. It’s going to hurt, I’m sorry.” 

Dave didn’t say anything in response. Barely blinked. Or, so John thought. He couldn’t see Dave’s eyes with his shades on. 

John put Dave’s arm over the sink so that any rubbing alcohol that spilled over would go down the drain and wouldn’t make a mess. He slowly poured it on, cringing when he heard Dave hiss next to him and tried to pull his arm away. He knew how bad that hurt, but he also knew just how bad that Dave needed his cuts cleaned out. They couldn’t offer an infect even the slightest chance. 

”Damn John, if you wanted to hurt me, you could just tie me up and make me beg.” 


	7. Daylight Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo things happen between John and Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, I probably won't be updating nearly as regularly. However, I'll try to keep up as best as I can! I also have a couple other of fanfics I'm working on at the moment, so please forgive me if it takes a while. Thanks for all the support though!

John froze. He wasn’t expecting to hear those words come from Dave’s lips. He must have lost a lot of blood, which would explain it. Yeah, he was still in love with Jade after all, he had just lost a lot of blood and didn’t know what he was talking about. So John decided to pretend as if he hadn’t heard what Dave had said. Instead, he set the bottle of rubbing alcohol to the side, then took a towel and started to carefully dry off Dave’s arm. It was looking bad; the cuts a bit red around the edges, but that could just be because they were fresh. 

When John looked back over at Dave, all he saw was a blond shaggy mess. Dave had his head down in his free hand and his body seemed to be shaking a bit. It was probably another breakdown. John had known that quitting something cold turkey was pretty tough, but he didn’t realize until know just what sort of damage it was capable of. There had to be a way for Dave to quit that wouldn’t put him in so much danger to himself. He’d have to talk to Bro about it later, though, when Dave was asleep. 

“Why are you still here, John?” Dave mumbled. 

John sighed at the question, sitting down on the edge of the tub across from where Dave was currently seated. He was still holding Dave’s hand and had placed the first aid kit next to him, open, so that he could reach the necessary bandages and cream that he needed. He knew how to answer the question, just didn’t know how to form the words so that Dave would understand. This had been one of the topics in a couple of fights over the past couple of days. Besides the whole drinking problem, John would get frustrated and threaten to leave and Dave would tell him to go right ahead, that nothing was really keeping him here and that he didn’t have to stay. John would usually then want to scream about how much he loved Dave and hoped that this trip would bring them closer and at the end of the trip, they’d be together like John had dreamed about for years; instead, he would say something about how Dave was his best friend and that he wanted to help and Dave would continue to scream about how if he really wanted to help, that he would leave because apparently, having his best friend there for support was tortuous. Of course, this hurt John, and at night, when he was sure that no one else was awake, he’d hide his face in the pillow that Bro had kindly provided him with, and he’d cry. 

So John sat there for a moment, thinking about the possible things he could say that might make Dave see clearly, but nothing quite fit. As he began to work on spreading the antibiotic cream on Dave’s cuts, he chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. He wanted to wait to talk, mostly because he wasn’t sure what would spill from between his lips, but also because he wanted to give Dave his undivided attention. 

He found some cotton pads and laid them over the cuts, covering as many of them as he could. He then began to wrap the gauze around Dave’s arm. He had never been neat with this sort of thing, as he never did have much practice like Dave had, and even though he did the best that he could, Dave’s arm still ending up looking like a badly wrapped mummy arm. He taped the end of the gauze so that it would stay in place, and then began to place everything back into the first aid kit slowly, giving himself as much time as he possibly could before talking to Dave. Once everything was back in its place, John stood up and walked over to the closet, setting the kit back under the towels where he had found it, as if it hadn’t been touched. Once the closet door was shut, and all the knocked over hair products had been placed carefully back onto the shelf where they had stood previously, John sat back down in his seat, looking down at the ground. 

“I stay… because you’re my best friend,” he started, then quickly looked up at Dave. “Now, before you say anything about that being a good enough reason to stay, I’ve got something to tell you; you’re right. You being my best friend isn’t a good enough reason to stay. But, I still do.” 

Dave’s face looked hurt, which caused John’s heart to sink in his chest. He was scared out of his mind as well, unsure as to of where he was going with this. 

“I got really worried when you weren’t coming onto Pesterchum, or when you weren’t answering my texts. I just assumed that you were off doing your cool kid thing, having a girlfriend,” he swallowed, “and you just wanted away from your dorky online friends. But I was still worried, and then your Bro messaged me and my dad said I was leaving to come down here and… I knew something terrible had to be wrong.” 

Dave’s face was unreadable now, which worried John a ton. Had he said something wrong? Was Dave acting like this so John would leave him alone and he could go back into his room and start drinking from some secret stash of alcohol that only he knew about. It was quite possible, John knew that, but he just didn’t want to believe that it could be true. 

“I… I was scared when I first got here, Dave. I found you drunk and I didn’t know what to make of it. I’ve never had to deal with this sort of thing, and I still have no clue how. I’m trying to cope with trying to help you cope and I have no clue how and now I’m afraid to leave you by yourself because I love you and I can’t lose you and I might.” 

There it was. 

John stopped talking, mouth shut tightly, once he realized what he had just said. The last possible thing that he wanted to say right now. That he loved Dave. But he had said it, and now it was time to face the consequences. John continued to stare at Dave and could have sworn that he saw Dave’s features change a little. They looked slightly more relaxed, but also a little shocked. He needed to know what Dave was thinking. If he had said something that would have upsetted Dave, he didn’t think that he’d ever be able to forgive himself. He was here to help Dave, not make things worse. 

There was silence for a few more minutes, even the outside noises were too quiet. This unsettled John, but he continued to stare up at Dave’s face, his insides twisting and turning as he began to imagine the things that Dave might be thinking. What if he was disgusted with John and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. What would become of him then? Would he just go home and live life as he never met Dave? No, he knew that’d be impossible. Dave was so important to him, he couldn’t just forget about it. 

“John..?” 

John quickly snapped back to reality, sitting up a little straighter after Dave said his name. “Yeah?” 

Silence. 

Dave opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but nothing came out. His mouth closed again and he continued to stare at John as John stared back at him. John continued to wonder what was going through Dave’s mind, but was too afraid to ask. He sighed and let his head hang a bit and his eyes close. So much for this talk. 

He felt a cold finger on his chin and his head was soon lifted up a bit. He opened his eyes to find that Dave’s face was very close to his own. So close that he could see Dave’s amber red eyes through the lens on his shades, so close that he could taste Dave’s breath and breathe in his scent. 

A moment later, John felt Dave’s lips press against his own. John’s eyes widened in surprise, but closed once he realized what was happening. Dave was kissing him. Dave, with his bright eyes and messy blond hair and very soft lips. John leaned in to kiss him deeper, his heart racing and his stomach twisting with excitement. So this is what it feels like to kiss the person you’re in love with. It seemed like everything disappeared from around him, it was just him and Dave now, as they continued to kiss, both now moving closer to the other until they fell on the floor, laughing a bit. Really laughing. John couldn’t be happier hearing that sound come from Dave. He watched Dave and even noticed him smiling. Had he done that? 

“So, Egbert… You really feel that way?” Dave asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. 

“Yeah. I really do.” 


	8. A New Puzzle Has Arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something else is going on in the Strider household that John is unaware of.. until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is really short, and sorry for the lack of updates. I've been really busy with school and chores and I'll try to get up to pace with this, especially when summer comes around.

The morning sun glared through the blinds at him angrily. So much for sleeping in, he thought. John sat up and stretched, hearing his shoulder muscles pop. He rubbed his eyes, and then reached over to find his glasses. When his hand felt skin, he jumped a bit, startled. It took him a moment before he realized that it was Dave. Oh yeah. After the make out session in the bathroom yesterday, they had decided to hang out in Dave’s room, which turned into more make outs and then eventually, sleep. John couldn’t help but smile to himself as he turned his body so that he could watch Dave sleep peacefully. Maybe now things will finally turn around. 

He knew not to be too hopeful, though. If he was, he could get hurt in the process. Just because they were now… were they together now? It made sense to say that they were. But now that they were together doesn’t mean that Dave’s drinking problem is just going to magically go away. No, it wouldn’t work like that and John knew it. Dave’s drinking didn’t have anything to do with John… well, at least he hoped not. 

He shook his head a little, then looked down at the blond sleeping next to him. His face was emotionless, but that was to be expected. He was a Strider after all. His hair, which would need a good cut sometime soon, was covering his forehead and eyes. His pale skin was kind of shiny in the sunlight. That was the only way to really describe it. And the only way to describe him was beautiful. John never realized just what the difference would be in person. 

Dave started to move a little, so John quickly turned and grabbed his glasses off of the nightstand next to the bed. He didn’t want to be caught staring at Dave. He was afraid that might be a bit awkward. He wondered how Dave would feel today. Would he want to drink more? Or would he harm again? The thought made John sick to his stomach. 

”Morning.” 

John looked over his shoulder to see a half awake Dave looking up at him. A hand was over his eyes. John remembered how Dave would talk about how sensitive his eyes were and that that’s why he always wore shades. John had a hunch it was because he also thought they were totally cool. 

“Good morning. How you feeling?” 

Dave sat up a bit and reached around John to grab his shades off the nightstand. 

“Not too bad. Headache, but the only time that’s gone is when –“ He stopped midsentence. 

John knew why. In a way, he was thankful that Dave had. He didn’t want to think about how Dave could be in this moment. He wasn’t too bad, which was a good thing. 

“That’s good you’re doing okay. I’ll go get you some Advil, okay?” 

He didn’t wait for an answer. He merely just got off the bed and made his way to the bathroom, his feet dragging against the carpet. He could feel crumbs of food and in a way, it made him miss home slightly. He missed his clean house and the good smells and the always stocked fridge and cupboards. He missed Dad even more. He missed how every morning, his dad had made him breakfast and it was nice and warm. How he would be in the middle of a cake just because he felt like making one and the house would smell nice and warm. He sighed, finding himself in front of the chipped mirror. Dad wouldn’t keep this around if it were at home. He’d buy a new one and replace it. 

John opened the door and found a number of new bottles of drugs, all for a Dirk Strider. That must be Bro. But… why? He hadn’t heard of Bro having any sort of medical problems. As far as he knew, Bro was healthier than him. But then what was with all this pain medication? Was there something the Striders weren’t telling him? 


	9. Nightmares Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw big time.  
> stuff... happens. bad stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how short it is, and sorry about how long it took for me to update. I've already started on the next chapter, so I'm going to try to update every Monday until the story is done, which may or may not be soon, I haven't decided yet.

It had been a good day. 

After John had gotten Dave the Advil, and once the Advil kicked in, they had gone to the park that wasn't far from Dave's apartment. It was a beautiful day out – the sun was shining, just a few clouds in the sky, children were out running around on the playscape. At some point during their outing, Dave had laced his fingers into John's hand, which made John blush cherry red. This, in turn, made Dave smirk and somewhat laugh. John was so glad to hear that noise come from Dave that his face turned an even brighter red.

It was later that night when things spiraled out of control.

John and Dave were sitting in the living room on the crappy futon that John used to use as a bed. Well, he had only spent one night out of it. He hoped that he wouldn't have to spend any more nights on that back-killing bed, but rather stay with Dave on his bed.

They were watching some dumb reality TV show when Dave said that he needed go to the bathroom. Although John didn't like to leave Dave alone for very long, he allowed him to. John watched the clock anxiously while he waited for Dave's return. Five minutes passed. Okay, maybe he was having some trouble going. He continued to wait patiently. Another five minutes. Now he was worried. Very worried. After fifteen minutes had passed, John finally got up to check on Dave. 

He walked down the now familiar hallway to the bathroom, hearing a sniffling noise that only got louder and louder the closer he got to the bathroom door. He turned the knob, only to find it locked. 

“Dave?” he asked, feeling his heart beginning to beat faster in his chest. 

No answer. 

It was silent. Even the sniffling had stopped.

He knocked again. “Dave?” Nothing. 

He knocked. Faster. Harder. Louder. “Dave!” He yelled. Still no answer. His heart was pounding. He needed to get in there. Get to Dave. Something was wrong, instinct told him. 

“Dave, please! Open the door!” John knocked hard with one hand, the other trying to get the doorknob to turn although he knew very well it was locked. “Dave!” He yelled again, hot tears streaming down his cheeks now. 

“Bro! Bro, help!” John yelled down the hall, beginning to slam his body against the door. This was all his fault. Whatever was happening with Dave was his fault. He shouldn't have let him go alone. He knew it was a dumb thing to do, he knew it was. Fuck, why did this have to happen? Why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he do anything right? 

“DAVE!” John yelled again, knowing full well that it would be useless. His left side hurt from hitting it against the door, but he didn't know what else to do. 

Bro came running out into the hallway, moving John aside. He must've seen John struggling with opening the door because he took a hammer and brought it down hard on the doorknob. He kicked the door opened and hurried in. John stepped forward and looked over Bro's shoulder to see Dave passed out on the bathroom floor. Several of Dirk's empty pill bottles, a half empty bottle of whiskey, and a razor all laid around him. 

John felt like he was going to faint. 


	10. Bearer of Bad News

The walls around him were a sickly green. John never understood why hospital waiting rooms had either the worst paint color or the worst wallpaper they could possibly find. He didn't want to be here to begin with, but now that he was, he wanted to be here even less. The color reminded him of Bro making Dave puke up some of the pills he had taken while John was on the phone with 9-1-1. It's hard to believe that was only a few hours ago. 

John glanced up at Bro for a moment, watching him pace around the room. Others in the room were annoyed by the action, but didn't say anything. It was pretty silent, aside from the gurgling noise that a baby was making while they slept. John glanced back down at the floor, swallowing the lump in his throat. He had been waiting there for three hours now, but it felt like forever. He was bored out of his mind, and just wanted to hear any news. He was hoping it would be good news, but with the way that Dave was looking, it didn't seem likely. 

The door opened slightly and everyone looked up. Bro even stopped pacing to look at the nurse who had come in. 

“Mr. Strider?” 

The blood from Bro's face drained. The way she said his name didn't sound like she was the bearer of good news. John's stomach dropped as he watched Bro walk over to her. They were talking to quietly for John to hear them, but since there was no sigh of relief, or even a relazed muscle on Bro's face, John assumed the worst. 

The nurse left and Bro walked over to John, taking his hat off his head on the process. No, no, no, no! John screamed in his head. He looked up at Bro, his lip quivering. No, this wasn't fair. He had just gotten Dave. He had just gotten him and they had had a great day and Dave seemed happy, what had he done wrong?

“John, I'm sorry,” Bro whispered, his voice starting to break. “We can go see him, but... it doesn't look like he'll make it.” 

He was still alive. There was still a chance, even if it was a small one. John quickly nodded. Bro stood up and slowly walked to the door as John scurried behind him. He just wanted to see Dave. He wanted to see Dave and tell him all the things he's always wanted to tell him but hasn't yet and now is his last chance. No, don't think like that, John told himself. Dave's strong, he'll make it. 

As he walked, though, the images from four hours before told him differently. The blood on the floor – Dave's blood – from him cutting up his arms and legs. The cuts were deep, John could tell, as Bro taken off his shirt and began shredding it to cover the wounds and try to stop the bleeding. As much as he tried, John knew it wasn't working. But he didn't say anything to Bro. He probably knew it wasn't working either. John just let him try to save Dave while he watched, leaving having felt more useless in his life. 

They stepped into an elevator and John noticed that Bro had wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He didn't notice until now that he was shaking. Why was he shaking? He wasn't scared, was he? He shouldn't be, he wasn't the one dying. He wasn't the one who, even if he survived, would have scars up and down his arms and legs and would still have an alcohol problem. He didn't want that for Dave. That was a horrible way to live. He thought that Dave was strong, that he could do this. 

“I'm sorry,” Bro whispered. 

John looked up at him, confused. The confusion must have been present on his face because Bro continued on speaking. 

“I'm sorry I called your dad to have him send you down here. I'm sorry that I thought Dave could quit cold turkey just because I had. I'm sorry you had to see what happened last night. I'm sorry John, I shouldn't have put you through any of that.” 

John didn't say anything for a moment. He didn't know what to say. He knew that Bro was sorry, but he was glad that he did come down. He was glad that, even though Dave was going to die, he got to see him. He sighed a little, shaking his head. 

“Don't apologize, Bro.” 

“But-” 

“Listen. Even if none of that had happened, who's to say that Dave wouldn't have tried something. He was obviously in a very bad spot, and sometimes people can't get out of those spots. I at least got to meet him before he's gone. That's something that didn't happen with Jade.” 

And that's true. He remembered wishing that he could've seen Jade at least once before she disappeared on them. Now that she was gone, he would never have the chance. But he would have the chance with Dave, and he couldn't have asked for anything better. 

Bro didn't say anything. John was glad because he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to talk without breaking down crying. 


	11. Kisses Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the final chapter guys. If you have any requests, I do them! Just comment below or message me on my tumblr -> dirk-sugoi-strider.tumblr.com  
> I hoped you enjoyed and I'm sorry it took so long to write!  
> And Lyle! Sorry for this, but I enjoy this kind of pain, and I know you do too~

After a few moments hesitation, John walked into the room after Bro. He walked slowly, not wanting to see Dave actually laying on his hospital bed dying, but he knew he had to. He wanted to even, just to see his face and tell him everything he had been keeping in the past few years. 

As he turned the corner, he held his breath, only to let it out when he finally saw his best friend, paler than ever, laying on the bed. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Dave was supposed to finish high school and have more strifes with his brother that he would complain about later. He was supposed to go on to college to become the big hit movie director that he always wanted to be. He was supposed to become famous and have ladies swoon over him, although he would have found some man to spend the rest of his life with. And they were going to have a child and Dave would raise them up almost like he was raised and take them to movie premieres and be such a great person that would do great, big things. 

But that wasn't going to happen. 

John tried to give Dave a smile, but felt the tears threaten to come pouring out. He felt as if this was his fault, that if he had stayed in Washington with his dad, everything would be okay. 

He noticed that Dave was giving him a bit of a smirk. He couldn't help but laugh, walking over to sit on the other side of Dave's bed, the one free of a struggling Bro. Dave just looked up at the ceiling. It was quite obvious that he didn't have much strength in him. John reached over and took Dave's hand. He never noticed just how soft it was. He stared at Dave's face, his heart skipping a bit when his thumb brushed against the bandage around Dave's wrist. He swallowed hard to hold the tears back. 

Dave turned to look at Bro. “Could Egderp and I get a bit of privacy?”

Bro looked scared and unsure of what to do. John couldn't help but feel even worse. He was about to tell Bro not to worry about leaving, that he could stay, but before he opened his mouth, the older Strider was gone. Dave looked back at John again, and John stared into Dave's eyes. 

“I love you,” he whispered, and watched the crimson eyes widen slightly. 

He said the words once before, in this romantic way, just hours before, while they had been laying in Dave's bed. That seemed like forever ago to John now. 

He waited for Dave to respond, not expecting much. Once he realized that Dave wasn't going to say anything, he continued talking. “ I love you. You're my best friend and the only one who gets me. I've told you things that no one else knows. I know for a while you were in love with Jade, and I did my part and was your wing man because I just want to see you happy. But I failed to reconginize that you weren't happy, and I feel horribile about it. Maybe I shouldn't, I dunno, but I do. I know you'll be gone soon, but I don't want you to be gone. I want to be selfish and keep you here with me so that I can kiss you more and hold your hand and help you fight off your demons until you've won. But that's not going to happen, so I thought I should tell you all this now, and I love you, Dave.” 

Once he was done, he could feel his heart pounding in his ears. He's pretty sure that he's never said that much to one person at one time in his entire life before. He glances away from Dave's face to the heart montior, noticing that the beeps are coming a little faster. He's nervous, not knowing if that's a good or bad sign. He hoped it was good, hoped that by some miracle, his words will make Dave live through this. 

“I love you, too,” Dave finally says, weaker than before. 

John's heart sank even further, reluctently getting up and letting go of Dave's hand to go get Bro. They hurried back inside the room, taking their seats next to Dave on either side of him, John quickly getting ahold of Dave's hand again. He felt like this was it, that maybe, this was the end for Dave. 

“I'm sorry, guys. I should've been a better person,” Dave whispered. 

Bro moved closer, kissing Dave's cheek. “Nah, you did great kid. I'm proud of you.”John could tell he was going to break any second. 

John stood up and kissed Dave on the lips, lingering a little bit, but he didn't care. This was quite possibly his last kiss with him. And it wasn't fair. This wasn't fair at all. Dave didn't deserve to have to deal with what he had to deal with. He didn't deserve to lose his fight because he didn't know how to control the demons that were inside of him. And now the world is going to lose an amazing person, all because of this unfairness. 

John held on to Dave's hand tightly as the beeps on the heart monitor started to slow down. He wanted to hold on to him for as long as he could. He could tell that Bro wanted to same thing. Silence spread across the room, although it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like trying to stay quiet as to not wake a newborn baby. Only this was waiting for someone's death. John felt a tear roll down his cheek, swallowing hard as he watched Dave's eyes shut slowly. 

Then the beep played out throughout the room. 


End file.
